A lot of women enter marriage with high expectations. They expect connection, conversation, and intimacy with their husbands.

But when the intensity of that initial romance fades – as it always does – some wives begin to wonder, “Did I marry the wrong man?”

Dr. Juli Slattery’s answer to that question is: “The secret of intimacy in marriage is not finding a hero to be your husband but finding the hero in your husband.”

To achieve that, Dr. Slattery encourages women to understand a dynamic woven into every human relationship: relational power. It works like this: the degree to which someone needs something that you alone can provide is the degree to which you have power in that relationship.

That’s God’s design. He wants husbands and wives to rely on each other for certain emotional and physical needs, ideally influencing each other toward healthy, godly behavior.

A wife’s power can move her relationship with their husband toward greater intimacy. It can also empower her husband to reach his potential as a godly man.

Your husband needs three things from you:

  1. Respect. Intimacy in marriage exposes men to their greatest fear: failure. Their question is, “Am I enough?” Many men feel they must prove their worth.
  2. Your help. A wife can reveal aspects about life and relationships that would otherwise be lost to her husband.
  3. Physical intimacy. For women and men, the power of sex is about much more than a physical act. It’s about safety, trust, and becoming one.

Each need is an opportunity for a wife to use her power to wound her husband or to build intimacy with him.

Dr. Juli Slattery is with us on our Focus on the